Dear Jessie: Toddler Bedtime Battles

Toddlers are busy exploring their world all day long and by bedtime, their minds are still buzzing. That’s why sleep can feel like such a struggle. The endless requests for water, extra cuddles, toilet trips, and “one more story” can leave even the calmest parent feeling exhausted and frustrated. But take a deep breath you’re not alone.

Recently, a parent reached out to share their story.

Their Letter to Jessie

Dear Jessie, Every night is the same. As soon as it’s bedtime, my toddler starts with the “I need water… one more cuddle… another story… I need to wee again!” routine. It’s endless, and by the time they’re finally asleep, I’m exhausted and frustrated. How do I stop this without making bedtime a battle? (Parent wishes to remain anonymous)

Why Toddlers Stall at Bedtime

Bedtime stalling is a classic toddler behaviour. It’s not that they’re being naughty they’re simply:

• Trying to stay connected to you for a little longer

• Testing limits to see if bedtime really means bedtime

• Experiencing fear of missing out (FOMO) on the rest of the evening

• Struggling to switch off their busy brains

  
  

It’s important to remember that these requests are normal for their development. They’re learning where the boundaries are and whether they’re safe when you say “goodnight”.

What to Do in the Moment

1. Stay calm and confident

Your calm is so crucial. Try not to engage in debates about each request.

2. Set clear limits

Before bed, explain: “After stories and cuddles, it’s sleep time. If you need something, you can ask now”.

3. Offer reassurance with boundaries

When the requests start, calmly say: “I know you want another cuddle. We’ve had our cuddles. It’s sleep time now. I love you”. Repeat it gently and consistently.

4. Consider co-sleeping, if it works for your family

For some families, allowing their toddler to co-sleep either in their bed for the whole night or just after midnight wake-ups brings everyone better sleep. This doesn’t work for every household, but if you feel comfortable and it helps your child settle, know that it’s a valid choice. Co-sleeping can offer toddlers the closeness and security they crave, reducing bedtime anxiety and endless requests.

5. Try an audiobook of a familiar story

Sometimes toddlers struggle to switch off without a final comfort. Playing an audiobook of a story they already love like The Very Hungry Caterpillar or Spot Goes to the Farm can help them drift off feeling secure. Familiar words are soothing, and hearing a calm reading voice can reduce their need to keep calling out.

Help Them Learn Over Time

• Practise bedtime routines with toys: Use a teddy to model “bedtime means sleep time” during daytime play.

• Celebrate brave sleep moments: In the morning, say, “You stayed in bed so well last night. That was really brave of you.”

• Keep responses short and calm: Lengthy explanations or frustration can inadvertently turn bedtime into a game of back-and-forth.

  
  

Create a Predictable Sleep Environment

• Dim lighting and minimal distractions

• A consistent bedtime routine (bath, pyjamas, teeth, story, cuddles, sleep)

• A favourite audiobook or white noise to soothe them to sleep

  
  

You’re Their Safe Place

Your job isn’t to force them to sleep it’s to create an environment where sleep feels safe and predictable. Boundaries are loving when set calmly and consistently. Toddlers feel most secure knowing you’re gently in charge, even if they test you along the way.

Thanks for Reaching Out for Help

Bedtime battles are so common, but you’re doing a beautiful job. Whether you choose to keep them in their own bed, use a floor bed so they can come to you, or co-sleep to make nights easier what matters most is that you find what works best for your family.

This phase will pass, and when it does, it will be because you taught them something powerful: that sleep is safe, and you are always there for them.

With care,

Jessie 💖

If you have a parenting challenge you’d like to share, submit your question for Dear Jessie on our website or email me at jessie@jessiemaris.com. I’m here for you.

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